It was all about breaking rules from the week it started. We wanted to be together, and so we did. We didn’t think about the long-term issues, not even the short ones really. We were just enjoying the togetherness, when it dawned upon us, that we are doing something we aren’t supposed to be doing in the first place, at least according to the aunties, relatives and the stereotypes.
So, we tried to figure out our way through this game of hide and seek without creating a ruckus. At least till a point, we did.
I still remember that look of being in utter disappointment on my mother’s face when she found out, still remember that sleepless night, thoughts of what will happen when she will tell dad the next morning, a night full of figuring out what to say and how to handle his expression. I was torn apart between the thoughts in my head and the feelings of my heart like never before. It was our decision to make; to put an end to this or to stay together discreetly and continue breaking rules like we already were.
If we did decide to do the “right thing”, I was continuously imagining how hard it walking and staying in the same class as him and not talk. We decided to stay together through all the risk, and while we were rejoicing what we put behind us, we could not see the next storm approaching our way.
The next PTA meeting was more than just a meeting. It was a bomb in the house of togetherness. The car ride back home after the teachers told our parents that this bond between us was affecting our studies and that they should do something to stop this hit us both like a jolt of lightening. Our parents knew that just warning us wouldn’t help. Thus, the families decided to speak to each other. My parents were against what we were doing of course, but were concerned about protecting me too; and so were his.
The two of us knew that it was high time we stopped doing “what was not right” and listen to our parents. But again, even after all this, we wanted to be together, we wanted the bond to last. Here, at this moment, we broke not only the rules but also the trust and belief of our parents. They didn’t know we were together, but within us, we knew it was broken.
This whole process of breaking the rules, staying together to face the consequences and breaking the rules again took about two and a half years.
At this point, both of us, mostly me, thought I had enough of this togetherness. THOUGHT. So, we moved on and went on with our lives. We could only act moved on for 2 years or so. When we started talking again, the emotions, the conversations, the memories rushed back into my head, heart rather; maybe his too. But neither of us said anything to each other, thinking, what’s done is done. I told myself that it ended for a reason and that my feelings are not going to be reciprocated to anyway.
As we continued conversing, one-liners became paragraphs and mere sentences became words of care, and after a point of time, both of us realised that our care and love had gone nowhere; we were the ones who hid it in the first place.
But this time, I was done with breaking rules, I wanted to do this without the fear of being caught one day, and so I did the exact same thing. I told my parents, that the togetherness, the care was all back to where it began, and when my mum said “ I have no problem” I literally couldn’t believe my ears. Later, when I asked her how her opinion had changed so much in this period of time, she explained to me that she knows I will not to something I do not like, and the fact that I will have to make my own decisions about life sooner or later, so she might as well give me a few chances now!
Yes, breaking rules were thrilling. Yes, breaking rules created memories and Yes, I am glad I broke those rules. But One should know when to break rules and when not to.
If I broke rules this time too, I would not have seen that “happy for you” expression on my dad’s face, I would not have my mum mocking and sarcastically teasing me, and after having these happy family conversations about my togetherness with him,
I know that breaking rules back then was really worth it.